Aryan, a class 5 student, is extremely withdrawn by nature. He avoids being in the company of his classmates and always subjects himself to loneliness. Given his nature, his classmates too don’t take interest in playing out with him or involving him in their stuff.
His parents feel that it’s his nature which can’t be changed and all they are doing is hoping for him to come out of his shell.
So how will Aryan possibly learn to overcome his shyness of mingling with people? How can his parents help him out here? If he remains withdrawn to himself, he may never be able to develop his social skills and build healthy relations with people around.
And it’s not just with Aryan; it’s about every child around. Every individual has a peculiar nature and trait which reflects in his personality. Some kids are introvert by nature and shy away from socializing, while some are way too extrovert. Some are highly stubborn, while some are extremely gullible and so on.
This is what we call nature, which most think can’t be changed. But a few believe that nurture can always change the nature. This has in fact turned to be a worldwide subject of debate; even psychologists have different takes on the same.
Nature vs. Nurture
It’s true, all people are different, even identical twins have different traits. We are a product of our inherited (genetic) and acquired (learned) characteristics.
Genetics govern our physical attributes and are passed on from one generation to the other. Hair colour, height, eyes, nose, etc. are such examples that find similarity in appearance within the same family.
It is also believed that certain personality traits are also passed on. For example, you might find some similarities between the personality of you and your parents. However, that could be an outcome of being nurtured by them too. So there have been endless debates on this. Some believe that certain things are inborn, and they occur naturally regardless of what environmental influences a person is having. While a few others hold the opinion that some traits are highly influenced by the environment like parenting style. What has been inferred though is that you can alter nature through nurture.
Basically, interaction between heredity and environment play key roles in shaping a person. Imagine a family where majority of the members are tall. But what if due to certain reasons a kid growing up doesn’t receive proper diet? Won’t there be a possibility of such a child to grow up to be shorter than his family members? This is what the theory of nature vs. nurture is all about. It states that if the environmental influence is directed in the right direction, traits can be changed effectively.
Now consider this as an example; Rahul, a boy of class 8th, used to be a very short tempered child when he was in Grade 3. He had the habit of yelling at people around and even throwing things at them. Many a times, he even used to hit kids in the school all because of his anger issues.
At first, his parents also felt that nothing could be done to ease out his anger issues. But they were not willing to give up so easily. They decided to deal with him differently. They immediately stopped scolding or yelling at him whenever he got angry. While sometimes they calmly watched him vent out his anger, other times they simply ignored his behavior. After he would regain his calm composure, his parents would take time to listen to him and find out the root cause of the outburst. They would explain to him lovingly why it was bad to express anger in a negative way. Rahul had never expected this reaction from his parents as he knew that his anger fits were always subjected to punishment. But now things had changed. His parents taught him ways to control anger and express it by talking things out peacefully. Whenever, he managed to control his temper, he got appreciated and praised.
Slowly, Rahul started controlling his anger and whenever he did get angry, he made it a point to move out of that situation by engaging in writing down his feelings. He is in Grade 8 now and people around him are really surprised to see the new improved version of him.
What caused this sudden change?
It was all because of the two vital elements, love & patience. They are key elements to nurturing kids in the right way. Rahul’s parents would have left the things as they were merely stating his age or nature as an excuse. But they chose the other way. They made it a point to shape up his personality in a positive way.
Though it did take considerable time, but they never gave up on their efforts. They continued with their efforts and kept addressing the situation with great deal of love and patience.
Changing kids’ behavior and personality through nurturing is quite possible, you just need to make the needed efforts.
Stay firm and stick to your grounds. But don’t turn to be a dictator, let your kids know what they are expected to do and guide them with love.
Remember, kids are like wet clay, you can shape them up the way you want. It’s all in your hands only!