In the wide world of relations, the most talked about and even dreaded about happens to be the relation with 'in-laws'. A girl, who's set to take the nuptial vows or is already married, is mostly worried about her relation with her 'Mother-in-Law'. The society has built up a stereotype when it comes to the image of a mother-in-law. She has to be bad, cruel, emotionless and scheming and this is how she is portrayed in all our daily soaps too.
But life isn't what we see on the idiot box. It's not necessary for everyone to have the same nature or quality. There can be some cases where the mothers-in-law turn out to be unkind, but not all of them are the same. One has to understand that people respond and act depending on many determinants which include their childhood experiences, their personality and decisions. Setting some boundaries may seem to be vital in order to protect one-self in any relationship. However, one must always respond in affection and kindness with others, even while behaving firm. If worked on a bit, a mother-in-law can surely have a wonderful bond with her daughter-in-law. Here let us understand how a mother-in-law can have a better relation with her daughter-in-law.
1. Make your criticism constructive
You may not like her hair, clothes, or her way of handling the household chores, and there is absolutely nothing wrong in that as this is your personal choice. But things go haywire when you start criticizing her openly in public or behind her back. This apparently turns the relation sour. A better approach would be to explain things to her in an authoritative yet loving way, something that you would do if it was the case with your own daughter. If explained with love, she is sure to understand and will even look up to you for future advices.
2. Recognize her goodness and work on the Flaws
As we said, no two people can ever be same. If you are only to find mistakes in her then the list can be endless. Everyone has flaws and she isn't an exception. But along with flaws, people do possess some goodness too. Just recognize her good side and praise it often. Try to know what all unique talents and gifts she has. Ignore the flaws as you will also have many drawbacks. If possible, help her overcome the weakness in a positive manner.
3. Don't be a control freak, give her the needed space
Till now, you have been the sole ruler in the house and sharing the space with someone else can surely be a difficult thing for you. But if you think it from the perspective that your daughter-in-law is also contributing in family's well being and is making efforts to maintain harmony in the house, you will never mind sharing the space with her. After all, you both love the same family. Embrace her with an open heart and let her share the responsibilities, which you have been fulfilling all alone so far.
4. Understand your son is now her husband
You will now have to understand that your son has a new role to play. He is now a husband too and you can't expect him to be still dependent on you. Think of the days when you had started your married life. You surely realize the importance of a husband and wife's relation. Respect that and never try to show your control over your son. Let them enjoy their new life and always be a support for them.
5. Give your daughter-in-law’s family the due respect
Gone are the days when the groom's family considered themselves superior to the bride's family. Both have equal stature and there's no need for showing each other down. If the two families share a cordial and mature bond, the relations will always strive towards betterment. Respect your daughter-in-law's family and share the joys of life together. Be involved in each other’s life and stand by in case of any adversary.
6. Never talk bad about your daughter-in-law in front of your son
Relations take time to get stronger but it just takes a couple of minutes to destroy them. You have to nurture the relation so as to make it strong. If you have any complaint from your daughter-in-law, it would always be better to speak directly to her in a polite way. Talking ill about her to your son will not only affect your relation with her, but that of your son's and hers too. Never keep any resentment in heart, keep your thoughts clear and honest.
7. Treat your daughter-in-law the way you would treat your own daughter
Whether you have a daughter or not, just understand the basic fact that your daughter-in-law is someone's daughter raised with great love and affection. Give her the same respect and love that you give to your daughter and if you don't have one, it's time to experience a daughter's love and care.
8. Just ignore if you don't like something
There may be times when you will not like something about your daughter-in-law. But don't reveal out your thoughts then and there. At times it works adversely and even your good thoughts may sound negative to the person at the receiving end. It would be better to bite your tongue and ignore the stuff. Give your advice only when you are asked or when you feel something is at a major risk.
Some General Thoughts
Relations require constant nurturing and a little pampering occasionally. Be thoughtful and considerate. Remember your daughter-in-law's birthday, her wedding anniversary and gift her something useful. It doesn't necessarily need to be expensive. Compliment her when she does anything good. Offer her help if you feel she is too burdened. If she is a working woman, you can always offer to babysit. Be very patient with her. If she stays with you, then help her in the household chores. Sharing responsibilities will bring you both closer.