What are the initial signs?
It's not really possible to keep your cool all the time. Even if you are the world's most wonderful parent, you will admit that certain behaviour of your kids can annoy you. Imagine you are in a mall and you loose your cool. You yell at your kid and probably hit him. Suppose you do this in the trial room so nobody notices. What impact will this make on your child? Fear is often used as a method to impose a certain behavioural pattern in young kids, but it always backfires. They will not only resent you for this but such abuse can be emotionally scarring and affect your kid's psyche.
Understand when you need to evaluate your own reactions to such situations.
Here are some techniques you can use to manage your anger.
1. He is just a kid : Keeping this in your mind as soon as you start boiling up will change your perspective. Remember that he is just a kid and you are the elder, mature more composed person.
2. Count till 10 : This really works. It gives you enough time to think past the anger that is about to uproar and puts other things into perspective.
3. Keep your focus on the long term effect : Sometimes in the midst of the anger, you forget how your kid's actions can affect him and your relationship in the long term. The assumption that venting out frustration is a good way of release is false. Change your focus to what triggered such an action from your kid and try to understand the reason behind it.
4. Listen to a song that soothes you : You can hum your favorite tune or some other music that would calm you down. Keep your favorite track list on your phone handy. And if you don't have one, create one. Music has a way with the mind and the heart.
5. Take a break : Put a mental pin on the behaviour of your kid that upset you and get back to it later. Take some distance and time out from the situation. Calm yourself down and then talk to him about his behaviour.
6. Take an account of your actions : These techniques will not help you just because you have read them. It will require practice, so keep an account of your outbursts. Retrace what caused the outburst and imagine handling it in a better and calmer way. Imagining how the scenario could have played out if you hadn't had an outburst will help you the next time around.
7. Do yoga and meditation : Making this part of your daily schedule, will not only help you be a calmer and more balanced individual but will also make you physically fit. It surely improves your patience level, which is needed especially when raising a child.
8. Do not harm yourself : We become our worst-selves when we get angry. It is our own enemy and it needs to be defeated. Lashing it out on our loved ones not only affects them but harms you too. Why do we feel scared immediately after an outburst? Anger, what we sometimes assume, is not our dominant side it is actually the most vulnerable side of ours. It shows your weakness as an individual and usually the reason for that pacing heart beat.
What do you do after the outburst?
The first thing you do after an outburst is accept. Accept your behaviour in front of your kid and apologize for yelling. Give a reason for what caused the yelling. Elaborate on it later after you are calm. You could say something like this, “I am sorry for yelling at you like that. I was disappointed in your behaviour and carelessness. Even so, I shouldn't have yelled. It was wrong and I am sorry.”
It is during such times that your parenting skills are truly tested. Parents and kids will always have fights, misunderstandings and episodes of outbursts. What is important is how such situations are handled. These could be the building blocks that will form a stronger and deeper bond with your kid.
Remember kids learn by example. If you react calmly and are humble in such situations, these qualities will get infused in your kids on its own. You will not have to make any extra efforts.